I really had it in my mind that Erik was going to be born on August 24 (his due date was September 3). When the 24th came and went I thought ok, the 27th. And then the 27th came and went. I was going to work up until I went into labor because I only get six weeks paid maternity leave and I didn't want to squander it at home. Every day I would walk into work and my coworkers would exclaim, "You're still here!!??" If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me when I was going on maternity leave or if I was going to be induced I'd be able to pay for a month of Kat's day care! Ha ha :-)
Then September 3 came and went and at that point I really had to face the fact that Erik had his own agenda. I slept like absolute crap the next couple of nights, and it got worse the night of September 5/morning of September 6 when I woke up at 12:30am and couldn't go back to sleep. Period. I laid in bed surfing the Net on my phone, caught up with practically all of my friends' statuses on Facebook, checked my email numerous times, and then finally started passing the time by playing solitaire. Time was moving at glacial speed.
But then something started happening. Around 4:30am I started getting consistent contractions about every 10 minutes apart. Of course I would not be going to sleep after that as I was trying to figure out if these were Braxton Hicks contractions or the real deal. They progressed to every 7 minutes and I went for a 3 mile walk to see if I could get labor going faster. For some reason in my mind I really was thinking I'd have about a 4 hour labor, as Katherine's was only 7.5 hours. The walk didn't help, and in fact by around 9am my contractions had stopped. Humph. False labor. I had called Kellie earlier and had confidently proclaimed, "Looks like we're having a baby today!" Um....maybe not.
I finally got around to sleep later that morning and when I woke up at 2pm I started having contractions again. Only this time they didn't stop and they started getting stronger and stronger. What started as something like stomach pains/menstrual cramps progressed to more intense squeezing. When they were about 3-4 minutes apart I called Kellie and asked her to come. Around 5:30pm we took Katherine to a friend's house to spend the night and then Kellie arrived. It was kind of weird at first because we were all just sitting around watching me handle contractions. I say weird because we were just standing or sitting around the kitchen, unlike at a hospital where I guess that's what you're supposed to be doing there unlike in a kitchen....? Charlie and I went for a walk again (not so far this time) and got rained on, and when we got back and the contractions were still about 3 minutes apart but definitely getting stronger. I actually felt a little embarrassed about calling Kellie before I suppose she was absolutely needed, but again I had it in my mind I would be having a super fast labor and I didn't want to end up calling her and then 20 minutes later having a baby!
But also I told Kellie I was kind of nervous. I wasn't nervous about birthing at home and maybe nervous was the wrong word. I guess I was more anxious. Thoughts like, "What if I have a 20 hour labor?" "What if I can't handle this pain?" "So far this hasn't gone like it did with Kat, so how am I supposed to interpret what's happening with my body right now?" It sounds crazy as I had been so confident, calm, and collected during my pregnancy and now that labor had officially arrived I was self doubting. Thankfully Kellie had made me write down some affirmations about Erik's birth and she reminded me of some of those and kept me focused. She reminded me: "I am a strong woman" and "Each contraction I have during birth brings my baby closer to a hug from his family". I could do this.
Charlie grilled chicken for dinner for him and Kellie. I had some mangoes as I wasn't in the mood for eating a lot. So they're eating dinner and I'm putting my head on the counter every 3 minutes or so taking a contraction. Pretty surreal, actually. Kind of cool. I was standing up this entire time and Kellie was getting worried that I was using my energy too quickly so she suggested sitting on a stool or an exercise ball for awhile to help with that. The problem was every time a contraction would start I didn't want to be sitting down. So I'd sit for about 90 seconds and then get up and go to the counter or lean on Charlie or Kellie's shoulder to take the contraction. During the sitting time Kellie kept reminding me to relax - she could see my shoulders all hunched up even though I was trying to appear relaxed. Midwives always know.....Kellie would periodically check Erik's heart rate to make sure everything with him was still ok. It still was. I kept checking the clock.
I'd say sometime around 8pm or so we headed upstairs to try out the tub. I had seen videos of women giving birth in the water and for the most part they all looked really relaxed and kind of quiet compared to how I birthed Katherine. I thought maybe that would be a less painful experience than before. The tub was relatively relaxing but I felt it was slowing down my labor, so after about 30 minutes of that I got out and labored again standing up. I have to give kudos to Charlie because unlike with Katherine I really leaned on him during labor (with Kat I used my doula mostly). One of my goals for the home birth was to be more engaged with Charlie during labor, and boy did that happen as you'll read later on.
At this point I was definitely getting into transition labor. Charlie probably had brusies on his arms and shoulders from where I was holding on to him during this time - with each contraction now I felt like I needed to push and was bearing down pretty hard on him. And then it happened. BURST! My water broke - no...more like exploded like a breaking dam. We were standing right by the tub and poor Charlie's feet got covered in amnionic fluid, and with that cushion between me and Erik gone the pain immediately intensified so much that I was kind of yelling uncontrollably. I think it was just the shock of that event that made me lose it. Kellie had to talk me down from the edge - breathe! breathe! breathe! I finally did and knew that Erik was not far behind. I felt the familiar ring of fire as he was crowning. I didn't want to tear this time but it was hard to hold back from pushing after that. I do remember saying to Kellie, "Hold him in for a second" as I tried to stop pushing to allow some time to get him through.
And then voila! The pain was totally gone as Erik was officially born 11 minutes after my water broke. Charlie and I held him immediately - yes, standing there in our bathroom - and all I could think of was "Wow - I did it". It's a totally empowering experience to birth your baby that way. I also thought and said, "No way am I doing this again!!" Ha ha. I said that a little tongue and cheek knowing that we're done at two kids. We made our way the short 5 steps to our bed and that is where I cuddled Erik and allowed him to find my breast and nurse for the first time. How these babies know to root around and find the milk is beyond me. He latched on immediately and had no problems eating. I knew what to do as I had just stopped breastfeeding Katherine back in April. God, it's amazing how much more confident I was at that having done it already! Erik nursed and during that time I birthed my placenta (an amazing organ!!). Pam, Kellie's labor assistant who had arrived before Erik was born, took Erik's vitals periodically. Kellie checked me for excessive bleeding and tears (I had two small ones which did not need stitches) and Charlie called all of our parents to let them know Erik James Gell had finally joined us. When Erik had his fill of milk he and I soaked in an herbal bath by candle light. Charlie and I couldn't keep our eyes off of him - we kept saying, "He's so handsome!", "I can't believe we have ANOTHER one!", and "That was so crazy when your water broke!"
Following the bath Erik had his newborn exam. Kellie guessed Erik's weight to be 7 lb 14 oz, but when Pam weighed him he ended up being a heafty 8 lb 9 oz! At 21.5 inches long he was a full two inches longer than Katherine when she was born. We were all on our bed while Kellie did the exam and to me that part just exemplified how cool the home birth process was. Little Erik was surrounded by the people who loved and cared for him the most as he was being examined. And after that it was time for Pam and Kellie to go. Everything had been cleaned up and Charlie and I were left to gaze into little Erik's eyes and then savor sleeping in our own bed.
Kellie came back about 36 hours later and checked on Erik and me. We were both doing really well. Erik was slightly jaundiced so I made sure to keep him near a sunny window and by the time he visited his pediatrician a week later the jaundice was almost gone. Katherine had cried and cried like her soul was being ripped out the first day we had Erik but by the end of day three she was giving him hugs. It was that first hug that made me smile from ear to ear because I knew that was the beginning of a great friendship between our two kids.
My recovery has been great - my body ached so much less than it did after Katherine. Maybe it's because I had already birthed one child, but I like to think that the experience of birthing at home also factored in to my great recovery. After Katherine's birth I cringed every time I had to go to the bathroom for about a week, but that didn't happen this time. I did not bleed that heavily and I did not have shooting back pains as before. I'm not ready to run a marathon yet, but to say I physically feel amazing would be an understatement.
When Kellie came for our first post-birth check up she asked me if I were to have another kid would I do a home birth again, and without hesitation I said definitely. The outcome of both births was great - two fantastic kids - but delivering Erik at home was a special and impactful experience I will never forget.
Top photo: Me just a few minutes after Erik was born
Middle photo: The proud father :-)
Bottom photo: Erik's newborn exam
